When California couples split, tempers tend to flare. People point fingers and sling accusations. They say things in the heat of the moment that they do not mean. Divorce is a painful and hurtful predicament for everyone involved. So how can you keep things amiable?

The Guardian looks into important things to keep in mind when facing divorce. Keeping compassion is the first step. When divorcing, it is sometimes easy to lose sight of the fact that you are not the only one affected. It also affects your ex and any children involved. Even other family members or loved ones feel the shockwaves sometimes.

Another tip is to turn to written word when speaking fails. Professionals often discourage communicating through text when building relationships. But you do not have to worry about building yours here. Having the time and space to digest someone’s words is beneficial. You have more time to think things through before you write them, too. This helps to avoid misunderstandings and things said in the heat of the moment.

Aim for the middle where possible. If you want to keep a divorce amiable, it is not beneficial to make grabs for as much as you can. You should be willing to split your assets as close to even as possible. Of course, this is easier said than done. This is also where third party help such as mediators may come in handy.

Finally, go into the divorce with a bigger picture in mind. What do you want out of this divorce? What do you want your future to look like after it? Make decisions with these questions in mind.